On Trust

Trust. It's a strange feeling.

Being trusting of others is my default state. I assume people are generally OK, and that they act in selfish or in deliberately evil manners only out of necessity or in extreme cases of boredom. I know that this includes millions of variations and possibilities, but still, I like to generally assume I can trust strangers.

All of this can change of course in a matter of seconds. I like this quote from Mike Tyson (paraphrased):

Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.

That punch in the face can come at any time, and it typically does when you least expect it.

I was on a plane from Los Angeles to London today. I sat down, got my things set up, and briefly went to the bathroom. I come back two minutes later, only to find that my iPad was gone. Disappeared. The iPad was no longer. It was an ex-iPad.

The moment you realize you have been fucked and that you have no control over things, a torrent of emotions comes rushing to your head. First you try to remember the details before the fact. Did you really have the iPad there? Yes, you put in in the pocket in front of your seat. Was it not inside the bag? Pretty sure it wasn't, but check the bag, just to be sure. Gosh, I shouldn't have gone to the bathroom while people were still arriving and sitting down. Did you backup the photos and videos you took? $700 down the toilet for taking a leak kind of burns, but the photos! Those are memories, money is replaceable. What about that blog post you wrote? Did you back that up? You should back up more often...

Then comes the suspicion. You are sure: it was there, and somebody took it. Who could have done that? Maybe it was just a bored teenager. Maybe it was an asshole who wanted a new shiny screen to watch bad blockbuster movies on and read the daily mail. Did you have a code on the lock screen? How difficult was it? Only 4 numbers, stupid Apple security, a monkey could crack that in a few hours. Not that it matters, they'll probably format it before even trying to open it. Is the find my iPad activated? Was it in airplane mode? If so, it's of no use. Who could have done that? Look around you. Maybe this guy. Or that woman, she looks awfully suspicious. That's what you get for trusting people so much. Pretty stupid move. Don't they have security cameras or something? Always there to harass us for this false sense of security, maybe they can turn out to be useful for once.

While this is going on, you start to think that you might be getting paranoid for no reason. Maybe it was just displaced. Go to the flight attendant, and ask if someone has found it.

As I walk back to my seat, I hear the announcement going off on the intercom, and I get the gaze of the person sitting next to me. Excuse me, have you seen an iPad with a red cover? I left it here, maybe it fell under the seat or something? "No, haven't seen anything, sorry", he says.

As I go through the emotional roller coaster I try to step back and think this through rationally. There is no point in worrying or getting emotional. You're more likely to think straight if you don't get carried away. And if you don't find it, that's it. Move on. They're not going to search 400 passengers to retrieve your lost iPad, get over it.

"Is this yours?", says the guy next to me, as he hands me my lost treasure. Speechless, I hesitate. "Yes", I utter tentatively, "I never check the pocket in front of the seat", he adds.

"Thanks", I sigh in relief.

As I collect my thoughts on what just happened, I can quite literally feel my brain shifting state, and giggle at the double 180 degree change in world view my mind has gone through in less that 10 minutes.

Then it hits me. I remember his face when I came back from the bathroom. He was staring at me. It was a mix of surprise and terror. You didn't register it immediately, but you noticed, then got distracted when you found out that your iPad was missing, and couldn't think straight anymore. You saw him taking a good look around the seats and bags, or at least pretending to, while the hostess was making the announcement. Then you remembered his words when you asked the second time, "When you sat down, did you notice if there was an iPad, or was it already gone?", "I didn't see anything, I wish I could help you, I didn't take it", "Of course, I was just trying to pinpoint at which point it disappeared", I conclude.

But there is something bugging me. How come he couldn't find it, after I asked him twice, and it was right in front of him? It was right there. How could he miss it? Maybe he thought someone had left it there and then he took it, hoping nobody would come to claim it. Then when he saw me he got scared, he tried to keep it hidden, then realized I was eventually going to find out, and looked for a way to return it while making it look like he didn't know it was there.

Sneaky bastard.

Wait a minute. Where is this coming from? This isn't you. You trust people. Maybe he was being honest. If it's true that he never checks the pocket where the airplane magazines are stored, then his story checks out. No mystery, no evil intent.

But then how did the iPad get into his seat's pocket? Are you sure you didn't displace it yourself, and you just don't remember?

At this point, I realize there is no point in going any further with this, it's an infinite spiral from which you can never get out.

Little by little, all these experiences shape us and make us who we are. The more we allow fear and suspicion to take a hold of us, the more we become alienated and we distance ourselves from others.

The challenge is to remain open, and to not let negativity take over. That's a lesson that we need to deal with every day.


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